HOW TO HOLD A GRUDGE – THE PODCAST

Many of us believe it’s always wrong, and bad for us, to hold a grudge. But what if our grudges, when handled correctly, can be positively good for us and for others?

What if grudges are actually great — not a cause for guilt, but exactly what we need to lead a happier, safer, more fulfilled life? Join me and special guests to find out all about the power of grudges to transform your life for the better and to make the world a more peaceful and compassionate place.

THE PODCAST SEASON 2

Episode #1 : The Grunch and Grudge Exemptions

Sophie and this podcast’s Grudge Poet Laureate, Nic Aubury, discuss ‘grunches’ (grudge hunches) and whether they’re ever legitimate. Also in this episode: our need for grudge allies, and why we make some people we love ‘grudge-exempt’. What should the rules for grudge exemption be in order to avoid hypocrisy?

Aired 14th March 2019

Episode #2 : Criticisms Are Not Grudgeworthy

Sophie is joined by writer and critic Robert Hanks for a debate about the proper definition of the word grudge. Is some terrible behaviour too extreme to be called grudgeworthy, and can a remembered story accurately be called a grudge if there are no feelings of anger or resentment attached to it?

Aired 21st March 2019

Episode #3 : The Energy of Grudges

Sophie discusses the possibilities for a comprehensive grudge-classification system with librarian and cataloguing expert Anne Welsh. Also in this episode: what emotional energy is attached to holding grudges? How can processing a grudge help us to transform our negative emotions into positive energy, and can the intellectual process of creating a grudge lead to greater objectivity?

Aired 28th March 2019

Episode #4 : Forgiving, Not Forgetting

Sophie is joined by mindfulness teacher and self-help author Sylvia Clare to discuss forgiveness, apologies and the problem of sincerity. When should we forgive and should we ever forget? How does our personal history influence our approach to grudges and matters of trust, and how should we deal with grudgeworthy behaviour in our closest relationships?

Aired 4th April 2019

Episode #5 : School For Grudges

Grudge Poet Laureate of this podcast, Nic Aubrey (who is also a Latin teacher at Oundle School) returns to discuss school-based grudges. Sophie and Nic explore various grudges from the points of view of parent, pupil and teacher, and consider the reasons why schools seems to be such a hot-bed of grudgeworthy behaviour.

Aired 11th April 2019

Episode #6 : Turn The Other Cheek

Sophie is joined by the Reverend Stephen Heard to discuss a Christian perspective on grudges and forgiveness. Is it okay for a Christian to hold a grudge? What might Jesus’s approach to grudges be, and what does the church teach us about reacting to injury?

Aired 18th April 2019

EPISODE #7 : HOW TO RESPECT A GRUDGE YOU DON’T SHARE

Sophie and therapist Anne Grey delve deep into the psychology of grudges, exploring the positive role empathy has to play in their processing.  Also in this episode: how accepting that everyone has their own ‘truth’ or version of events can lead to greater harmony.

Aired 25th April 2019

EPISODE #8 : WHY ‘GRUDGEWORTHY' IS A GREAT ADJECTIVE

In this ‘solocast’ Sophie discusses how defining events as ‘grudgeworthy’ rather than ‘annoying’ can free us from the implicit invitation to feel terrible in response to other people’s bad behaviour. Also in this episode: why yelling should be regarded as a grudgeworthy practice whenever and wherever it occurs.

Aired 2nd May 2019

EPISODE #9 : GRUDGES AND INTENTIONS

Sophie and Anne Grey explore our perceptions of intent and the limits of our ability to know another person’s motives. Also in this episode: should we ever raise our grudges with those who have upset us? When does honesty tip over into an attempt to control?

Aired 9th May 2019

EPISODE #10 : INHERITANCE GRUDGES

Sophie and the How To Hold A Grudge podcast’s Poet Laureate, Nic Aubury, discuss the fraught topic of wills and tell some specific inheritance-related grudge tales. Also in this episode, Sophie and Nic analyse why it’s so difficult to separate the financial from the emotional when different people’s definitions of ‘fair’ are at odds.

Aired 16th May 2019

THE PODCAST SEASON 1

Episode #1 : Grudges can be great

In this first episode, I explain what made me – a crime writer and poet – decide I had to write a self-help book on the subject of grudges. I’ll be talking about why I’m firmly convinced that our grudges can and should be good for us. I’ll explain how, precisely, we can benefit from our grudges, and I’ll be joined by special guests psychotherapist Helen Acton and mentor, coach, meditation teacher and therapist Anne Grey, to discuss grudges in all their glory.

Aired 25th October 2018

Episode #2 : A GRUDGE IS NOT A FEELING

This week, I’m talking about why a grudge is not, and cannot be, a feeling. And if it isn’t a feeling, then why do nearly all the available dictionary definitions tell us that it is? What would be a more accurate and helpful definition of the word ‘grudge’ that doesn’t discourage us from holding them? Also in this episode: some brilliant grudge poems by my two favourite living poets: Wendy Cope and Nic Aubury.

Aired 1st November 2018

Episode #3 : SUGAR COATING VERSUS POSITIVE THINKING

When we describe our latest grudge to a friend, they might say something designed to try and cheer us up. How we’re likely to feel about their intervention will depend on whether they’re sugar-coating or offering us something genuinely positive. In this episode, I’ll be looking at the differences between the two approaches, and how to distinguish one from the other. Join me, Helen Acton and Anne Grey as we discuss how to embrace but not inflame negative feelings.

Aired 8th November 2018

Episode #4 : GRUDGE TYPES — THE COMMON & THE RARE

This week, I’m doing some in-depth analysis of the various grudge types. How many different grudge species are there, and how should we classify and arrange them? I’m going to look at some everyday varieties and also some rare specimens. Join me to see if you can think of any sub-genres of grudge that I’ve not yet identified!

Aired 15th November 2018

Episode #5 : HOW GRUDGES CAN MAKE US MORE FORGIVING

Holding grudges is perceived by almost everybody as the opposite of forgiving. You either forgive and move on, or else you don’t forgive and you hold a grudge instead, right? Wrong. In this episode, I explain why holding grudges, as a practice, is precisely what you should be doing if you want to become a more forgiving person and enhance your ability to move on after a transgression or hurt.

Aired 22nd November 2018

Episode #6 : GRUDGES, JUSTICE & KARMA

This week I’m joined by Helen Acton and Anne Grey. We’ll be discussing the relationship between grudges, justice and karma. Is karma a real thing, and, if it is, does that mean that the universe holds grudges, and cares about justice?

Aired 29th November 2018

Episode #7 : GRUDGES ARE ABOUT, NOT AGAINST

This week, I’m talking about ‘about’. I believe we should always say we have a grudge ‘about’ somebody, not a grudge ‘against’ somebody, and I explain why the language we use around grudges matters. Also: can our grudgees benefit from the grudges we have about them?

Aired 6th December 2018

Episode #8 : SIX WAYS A GRUDGE CAN IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

Still not convinced that grudges are great or that holding them is good for you? Join me this week to find out six concrete ways in which a grudge can enhance the life of its holder!

Aired 13th December 2018

Episode #9 : LISTENERS' QUESTIONS ANSWERED

Since I started this podcast, listeners have been sending in their thoughts and questions. This week’s episode is devoted entirely to answering those questions and responding to issued raised. These include: ‘Is it ever okay to tell someone that you don’t believe their grudge is justified/grudgeworthy?’ and ‘Why do some people hold more grudges than others?’

Aired 20th December

Episode #10 : FESTIVE GRUDGES

It’s the holiday season! Grudges abound! Join me and poet Nic Aubury for a festive analysis of why we’re more likely to accumulate powerful grudges during ‘special occasion’ times of year than at any other time. Also, I’ll be giving you my list of Seasonal Grudge Tips and New Year’s Grudge Resolutions!

Aired 27th December

There is no one — not one single person on earth — to whom I wouldn’t give a second chance. I also have more grudges than anyone I know, and a greater interest in and appetite for them. These two statements do not contradict each other. They fit together perfectly once you understand that holding grudges is the ideal route to being a more forgiving and happier person.

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